Nigerian Gay Man Who Married A Woman, Regrets

Emeka, a Nigerian gay man in an interview revealed to NoStrings about the different challenges that he experienced being married to a woman despite being gay.

Nigerian gay man regrets marrying a woman

In Nigeria homosexuality is illegal, and LGBT people live in fear of being exposed and persecuted just for being who they are. So in a bid to hide their sexual orientation, many pretend to be heterosexuals and marry persons of the opposite sex, especially with pressure from friends and family. While others sometimes do it just to have children. Some find relief doing this, while others feel tortured in their marriages to persons of the opposite sex.

READ ALSO: Police Arrests Six Suspected Homosexuals In Edo State Nigeria

In a recent interview conducted by NoStrings, a Nigerian gay man who is now divorced, reveals how he married a woman and what followed after.

Read the interview below.

Can you briefly tell us about yourself?

I am a middle aged man, senior executive in oil servicing, and a PhD candidate.

How long have you been married, and do you have kids?

Separated, no kids and married for less than a year. I am now under pressure to reconcile with my wife, so far, it’s a NO from me.

Your decision to marry was it influenced by your family, pressure from the society, or it was all yours?

It’s a combination of everything. But essentially I take sole responsibility for the decision.

I was alone and depressed with suicidal thoughts and just passed 40. I realized that in some ways, my career growth was stunted because responsibilities required social interactions that are alien to me. My family also needed kids; I wanted kids too. A friend I spoke to said he could introduce me to someone, I accepted and married the first woman I could so much as look at the face. Between introductions and marriage was less than one month. I felt if I left the engagement for too long, I might change my mind. So I dove in.

Does your wife know that you are gay?

I am too conscious of the environment to let her know. The Kenny Badmus situation remains a recurring nightmare to me. In any case, it is possible she may have asked herself some questions particularly with the disinterest in bedroom affairs and my reluctance to drop my guard but I never heard any such questions directed at me and that’s why I said no.

Tell us, what are the major challenges involved, you know, being gay and married to a woman?

The sex was mental torture. Communication was lost because there was nothing to discuss. I couldn’t fulfill her aspirations of marriage. She wasn’t a bad person, but I felt trapped and my depressive mood returned. She didn’t understand why and I wasn’t ready to tell. We drifted apart.

Are you regretting your decision, and did you feel trapped, or how did you really feel marrying a woman?

In the few months that I was married, I feel like I lost a part of me that I would never get back. I regret that I still do not have the kids I craved. And I regret that perhaps I married for all the wrong reasons. Perhaps, if I had the capacity to adjust, I would have stayed. But I had none of such capacity.

Some people believe that homosexuals are afraid of women, and that’s why they form relationships with men, is this true?

I am not afraid of women. I love my mum, I love my sisters and I love my colleagues at my work place. It’s just that a part of me can’t deal with the opposite gender as sexual or lifetime commitments. Take away all the men in this world, I still wouldn’t be attracted.

If you found yourself in an environment that is more accepting of your sexual orientation, would you have decided to settle with a man in marriage?

Of course, and perhaps I would have done so in my younger days abroad. I have still not lost hope that love will find me someday in my lifetime.

Your attraction to men and to women how will you describe it, or does it mean that you do not have any sexual attraction to women at all?

I have no sexual attraction to women whatsoever.

What is your advice to other gay men out there who are contemplating a decision to marry a woman?

It is never the best option to lie your way through life. For some, it’s entirely possible. For me, it was an expensive mistake. I may not be where I wish to be emotionally but I would rather be me than some stranger I used to see in the mirror.

Have your say in the comment section below.

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Wordpress (10)
  • comment-avatar
    JOHN BLAZE 5 years

    Am a gay Nigerian man currently married to a woman and have a kid, I have a good wife but am not sexually attracted to her, I still find myself attracted to the same sex. But am just managing, I don’t know how long the marriage will last, may God help me.

  • comment-avatar
    John Peter 5 years

    The mistake is often made by many in today world. Better to remain single in life and be happy for who you are, than to be someone else, because of what other think.
    Don’t ever feel bad for making a decision about your own life that upsets other people,you are not responsible for their happiness. You are only responsible for your own happiness, and anyone who wants you to live in misery for their happiness sake, should not be in your life in the first place. Peace.

    • comment-avatar

      There is no happiness in being alone. This is exactly why we need to speak up and out! So we can at last be with the people that we want to be with.

    • comment-avatar
      Oluakin 2 years

      this is just the perfect and most timely message for me.
      God will contiually bless you.

  • comment-avatar

    Heterosexuals don’t have to marry a person they feel nothing for, so why is this demanded of LGBT people? And why should a heterosexual woman be forced to marry a gay man who has no sexual desire for her body or romantic interest in her personality, when she could have for herself a heterosexual man who is head over heels in love with her?

  • comment-avatar
    kritzmoritz 5 years

    Regrets all round

  • comment-avatar
    Evans Kingsley 5 years

    It’s not easy at all.. African mentality has led many into long-term regression. A times I begin to feel if I can take time back and refuse to marry than living in a pretentious marriage. Still hoping for a better tomorrow with the help of God as I continue to manage…

  • comment-avatar

    my dear is really not easy at all.that is why many Nigerians are relocating to abroad to leave their lives comfortably .am praying to God everyday not to make such mistake. God will help us. justice must reveal one day

  • comment-avatar
    Mac 2 years

    I am a bit concerned here. I am planning marriage, I kind of feel attracted to my girlfriend and I like her person however, I am scared as well as I am not sure if I can meet up with the sexual expectations in marriage. I just hope I succeed in this venture I am about getting into.

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