I Am Jonathan, Am In Love With A Man, But Am Not Gay!

man in love
Hello, my name is Jonathan, a Nigerian. I am currently serving with the Nigerian Navy, and I can describe myself as not funny at all, average height, tiny lips, very masculine with an athletic body that will kill you, and surprisingly, i am in love with a man.

I have always thought of myself as a heterosexual, I love girls and off course, I have had sex with lots of them. But currently things have changed for me since I met someone. A man. Yes! A man.

All of a sudden, I currently find this guy very attractive, and we have had sex quite a number of times. I was thinking it is a mistake and that it was just something that will go away with time, but No! Its more than just sex, it’s strong. The feeling has lingered for far too long and it’s not like I am ready to label it anything yet, but for sure I know this is deep.

I love sex with him (only him). But I don’t think I want to identify as gay just yet, in fact I don’t want to be gay. I don’t want to lose him either, he has been a wonderful contribution to the many beautiful things that has happened to me so far in my life.

Oh Sh***t I sound gay right?

What can I do now? Where did this feeling come from? Why am I feeling this way? Honestly, I am troubled, help me out.

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  • comment-avatar
    Joseph 4 years

    You just discover your real self.

    • comment-avatar

      Clearly, i don’t think that he has, not according what he is saying, so prove to him that he has. how exactly?

      • comment-avatar

        the male genes are XY chromosomes so you can express yourself either way darling….08131500059

  • comment-avatar
    Jonathan wolf 4 years

    I would say that you must break this relationship off if you are a Christian or believe in the afterlife or whatever you believe in. If you had sex with him more than three times then you’re hooked. If you believe in God then pray and study your bible, this is the only way you can overcome. Sex with a man is so powerful because it’s only sex and there can be known pregnancy, and you feel free.

  • comment-avatar
    Mach Jessie 4 years

    Many people are taught to believe sexuality is simple black and white or either base their beliefs on some archaic idea from religion or tradition having no basis in fact. Fact is no one can scientifically without a doubt explain sexuality we just study it as it evolves within our society as we evolve. Sexuality has always been as diverse as the people and cultures on this planet. Heterosexuality has been the point of reference because it benefits society in so many ways but other sexualities exist and many people actually fluctuate in and out of one or another if allowing themselves to genuine experience their sexual desires. Having the ability to have romantic feelings for the same sex or opposite sex doesn’t define you. Just accept where you are but know that if your feelings do or don’t change either way accept it and love yourself and the way you exist. Hey if you find love in this life hold on to it.

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    Thabo 4 years

    Hey bud…

    Stop wondering about labels and just appreciate what you have and who you have in life..

    Some say love is blind… # this is the case for you…

    Maybe it’s time you allow your feelings to take over and let your mind be at ease.

    It could be long term and it could be this person you have in life.

    Worry not about explanations and definitions .

    Enjoying having a person that you love and that equally loved you as much…

    Life is full of surprises and consider this as one.

    But enjoy the moment and let nature do the rest….

    • comment-avatar

      Yes, am sure he should be assured with this. Thanks Thabo.

    • comment-avatar
      Sihle 4 years

      Beautiful. You don’t have to identify with anything as long as you are happy. Never let society box you with language.

    • comment-avatar
      Bongz 4 years

      I could not have said it better Thabo. I live by the principle of appreciating what’s good about the situation right now. Don’t worry about labels

  • comment-avatar
    Terrance 4 years

    Dear jonathan my advice to is that everyone has the freedom to love who ever they want without being labeled, don’t pressurize yourself on wanting to label anything but enjoy the moment with the guy your with

  • comment-avatar
    Ndumiso 4 years

    Well… you may not be gay. Attraction to or sexual engagements with persons of the same sex does not automatically make you gay. You could be bisexual or even curious.

    Not wanting to be gay is one way of discovering what you truly identify yourself as. Probe ypurself further, by asking yourself why dont tou want to be gay and if you are not gay, are you inyerested in tje opposite sex.

    Do not limit your self probe to religion, culture ans social construct instead i enecourage you to be honest with your self in pursuit of the authentic self.

    Not an easy journey, but one that must be travelled if one is to at least experience the joy of self concept.

  • comment-avatar
    Joseph Simeka 4 years

    Hey Jona, go for what is good for you your feelings is what matters the most, the rest will Follow NICE TIMES JONA

  • comment-avatar
    thato 4 years

    love knows no colour and it knows no gender, stop questioning and just enjoy every moment. u owe urself that much.

  • comment-avatar
    thulani 4 years

    Its clear.you are gay. Its just difficult for you to accept it

    • comment-avatar

      Or maybe he could be bisexual, or just a human being trying to figure out just where he belongs in the world..

  • comment-avatar
    samwel 4 years

    you are as gay as a pig…come and join us ..the other gays..stop pretending to be a holy homosexual!! honey wake up n smell the coffee….aww but don’t worry there r many like u closet homoz!!!!!

    • comment-avatar

      Aww, Samwel, please carefully read your response here again, don’t you think that you were rather harsh?

  • comment-avatar
    Marco 4 years

    its all the stigma and bad things that people go through when you are gay like rejection from friends and family . That’s why many people stay in the closet get married and still have relationship with men. Its tough an not easy to accept that you are gay because society can be cruel and it might be even tougher because he is in the navy and in Nigeria

  • comment-avatar
    Alan 4 years

    Live your life and your truth.

    But, if you’re honest about not believing in “labels” stop saying you’re straight, as well.

    If you don’t want to know, or don’t want others to know, what you are…just don’t say anything at all.
    Stay off the subject. That way, you aren’t giving ignorant, rabid homophobes implicit (and erroneous) ammunition.

    Shut up and enjoy!

  • comment-avatar
    Nicky 4 years

    Life is short enjoy every bit of it, regret less and enjoy more. Bt dnt come out coz the stigma and clueless of the society wont be so friendly

  • comment-avatar
    Selina 4 years

    You are happy right? So why do you justify your happiness. You love what you have. If you are a gay so what? What do you think it’s going to happen if you leave this guy? Do you think you will be happy? What you want is our opinions. You don’t need to do that. This is your life!!!!

  • comment-avatar

    If you believe that sexuality is fluid and moves across a spectrum, there should be nothing unusual about what this young man describes. Being that 10% of the population is “totally heterosexual” and incapable of any same sex attraction and another 10% “totally homosexual” and incapable of any opposite sex attraction, that leaves 80% somewhere in between. I suggest this young man full enjoy the depth of what might be “true” love though spending too much time trying to figure out what box to check.

  • comment-avatar

    As a writer wrote many years ago, if it’s love, the Lord won’t mind. Good luck to you.

  • comment-avatar
    Jabulani 4 years

    For most members in the LGBT community,understanding your sexuality can be an emotional journey, the confusion, comflicys with our religion and/or cultures and fears of rejection are the most contributing factors. My advise is that you go through this journey thoroughly. Some believe that you do not have to label yourself or “box” yourself but in all honesty these are just defence mechanisms to avoid dealing with the issue at first. The end result is that it will always be a confusing topic in your life should you follow such advises.

    I can only imagine how you feel moreso especially since same sex relationships and marriage are regarded as a criminal act in Nigeria but always remember that you aren’t alone. It may help that you go through this journey with your partner, together and later, if you are comfortable, consult and engage with other members of the community that can help you be present andbring awareness to social and political issues surrounding yours and your fellow members in the country.

    However, Gay, bisexual or not, you deserve the same amount of happiness as your hectrosexual brother. I hope that as go through this journey, you learn more about yourself- other than your sexuality. This will test your character and make you question alot about yourself. Take in every moment and learn as much as possible. The biggest issue in this world is that people aren’t willing to learn… learn, be aware and practice! And understand that you do not need approval but all you need is just acceptance and may be the only way you can change perspectives and hopefully the political limitations if people were uncomfortable. Should you explore the idea of joining hands with other people in your country who are also members of the LGBT community forums like this one could maybe directly to the right people you can speak to.

    Nonetheless I am happy for you, you seem to be experiencing love and it’s a beautiful space to be in. I wish you and your partner all the best of luck. Lean on him and support one another.

  • comment-avatar
    DatBlackBoi 4 years

    Read the story…
    Probably he don’t want to identify yet because he knows that been gay in Nigeria comes with a whole lot of baggage..
    The society condemns you..
    The religious institutions calls you a sinner…
    Your family might even label you the black sheep of the house…
    Your colleagues in school might find a way to isolate themselves from you and all that…
    But the fact still remains that the Jonathan of a guy to me I would say just discovered himself…
    Identifying with any group won’t make him less or more of what he have become… All he have to be is be happy, bearing in mind he have found love and he is absolutely happy with this guy of his…
    The greatest mistake one would ever do in life is denying who he truly is..
    I have a friend. Married. But he is gay. And right now, he regret ever marrying this damsel. He thought marriage will end it all in a way, but he found himself not happy with this lady even when he tried to. And like every other guy out there, he called for a divorce and is now with his male partner…
    One thing about life is this, be happy Been yourself no matter what the society days. Don’t give a damn what they are going to say…
    Just let it go…
    Don’t hold it back

  • comment-avatar

    kuaerere.wordpress.com – being a gay Nigerian is hard.

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