I Am Gay And HIV Positive, I Want To Die–Nigerian Man Cries Out!
I received this email from an anonymous individual claiming to be HIV positive and wants to die. I was shocked reading it. I have decided to share it on the platform so you guys can see how to help, please read:
My name is Shedrack, a Nigerian. I am into events management and decorations. I tested positive to HIV two years ago, and ever since then, it has not been easy for me, trust me. Life has been particularly hard, coupled with who I am as a gay man living with HIV in Nigeria, dealing with the secrets and all, as you have to be very selective about the kind of people that you discuss HIV issues with, given the stigma associated with the disease.
When I tested positive to HIV two years ago, it was a big shock for me. I couldn’t believe it, even though I have done some pretty nasty things. And it will surprise you that even at age 21, I never knew that one could contact HIV through having unprotected anal sex. And this I did several times with different men, all because I thought I was having fun. Even when the conversation was brought up at a certain time amongst my peers, about contacting HIV from unprotected anal sex, I argued about it, claiming that anal sex was completely safe. Somehow I felt that gay sex is not sex.
When I received my confirmation result, I cried for almost an hour like a baby, literally shaking, feeling like everything was over for me, my whole life, coupled with how I already hated myself for being gay. I said in my mind “Me, HIV?” I quickly blamed my sexual orientation, and somehow, some parts of me still do, especially as it has been said by many that homosexuality causes HIV and a curse from God for homosexuals, some are calling it an end time disease for end time evil practices. I get it, this is Africa and everything is associated to demons and spiritualized. But my major problem now is that, I seriously hate myself. I feel like I am a living curse – Like I caused everything that has happened to me. Nothing seems to be working out anymore. I feel dirty, like the whole world is turning or has turned against me. I am a homosexual living in this shit-hole called Nigeria.
I am currently not on any medication, as I have been going for prayers, hoping that God will change my situation. I am a born again Christian now. [At least I think so], seeing as I have said the sinners prayers. I am seeking for Christ’s mercy. But I feel like I have done so much and cannot or never be forgiven, especially as I am struggling with changing my sexual orientation, and hoping on God for a cure. Even though many has claimed that these things I seek can never be achieved. I feel like I have reached my peak. Some say I am depressed, while others are saying that I have too many problems. I can’t discuss my situation with anyone, as I will be mocked and ridiculed, I tried telling someone once and it was indeed a very bitter experience. And I do not wish to try again. I have become withdrawn from the world and I am always very alone and scared, life makes no sense to me anymore. I want to just… disappear, I want to go some place peaceful, I am welcoming death, silence, and calmness. I want to vanish, I want to die, I am tired.
This is so unfortunate, wat u need is guidance. I think it’s quite safe2 say HIV isn’t so bad, it cud b worse, diabetes, herpatities( lol, hope I got dat spelling right) anyways u need 2 find a clinic n start medication, prayers help, bt. God gave medicine 4 us also. If u wanna change ur sexual orientation, fine, bt it shdnt b cos of dis virus as it can b managed quite properly. Most importantly do not feel sorry 4 urself, thr r millions like u n they’re living full n healthy lives. U’ll b fine dear, visit a nearby clinic n ask 4 help. All d best dearest, n rmbr, ur never alone.
What you need is councillor, and believe in your self that no matter what you’re going to come out strong, love your self man! Don’t you think you can contribute to your nation and society with your experience? Eat well and take your medication, you will be fine. Cheers!
First of all Shadrach am sorry for your status but that’s not the end of life. You have to pick yourself up and encourage you for you. Like it or not life can be cruel and so people but that doesn’t mean there ain’t a light at the end of the tunnel. Please get help take your meds and seek God for healing because staying without your meds is signing your death certificate. There is a lot of hope and joy ahead all that matters is your mindset bro. Think positive and live positive. I pray you get help and change your mindset.
Thank you, he should be encouraged.
You are correct Jenon, Shedrack, remember all hope is not lost, there are millions of others like that in Nigeria and they are living their normal lives. I think you need someone whom you can trust, possibly a HIV/AIDS counselor, pls you need to visit a hospital immediately. It will benefit you nothing to end like this. You can reach me through my mail for assistance and referral mi_decency@yahoo.com.
Hey message me on whatsapp 08163535518. I have a lot to discuss with you trust me. You are not alone
I think it takes so much courage to divulge so many intimate details about your life. Shedrake life and the decisions we make can put us in so many situations that leave us feeling empty and hopeless. I like to think God created us all so very differently in His infinite wisdom to help us learn of life and the diversity of His creation. Learn to love and appreciate His wonderful designs as He loves all of us. I am sadden to hear that you hate yourself based on what others have told you. Fact is we only can exist as we are and somethings can’t be changed no matter how much man argues that it shouldn’t exist. No ones sexuality has been the cause of horrible things in their life but it is the ignorance about the value of ourselves and the lack of knowledge that ultimately lead us to our demise. Sexuality is just sexual attraction to someone there really is no right or wrong when it comes to something so concrete in the composition of a person. It just is but our decisions in life is what ultimately define us. It just is so unfortunate religion hasn’t caught up with science or God for that matter and many people fall to self-hating behaviors that lead them to so many challenges in life. However, its never to late to regain your value and take care of your health. Your story can inspire others and bring awareness to others struggling with similar situations. Please start your meds and seek counseling immediately. I am a counselor and have seen for myself how just having someone that is professionally trained can help drastically change ones ideas about life and treatment. Please seek help you are worthy of life and love Shedrake.
hmmmm, is some aw devastating. knowing what it is to be gay and hiv+. having passed through that 2014 and still passing through it now because it’s heartbreaking and devastating. let him start treatment and hope on God. the drugs r not expensive. though nigeria doesn’t give out proper medications on that. but all is well. though at a young age n also a student, i know what am passing through. at times u won’t have the fund for ur drugs but I always look for a way to get my drugs even if it means going to get it before ma appointment. hiv+ is very common in gay relationship nowadays. most guys knowing fully well they are infected but decided to transmit it to others. that’s y i find it so difficult to be in a relationship with a guy that doesn’t know ma status. let his start treatment as soon as possible.
the earlier u do so, the better for you.
My brother you are never alone ok, God is with you and also people like us. Because you are a gay and coupled wit HIV+, you should never think of ending your life though it might be devastated at time. It will interest you statistic shows that 70% of gay in Nigeria are living with HIV so you are not alone. As per medication you can add me on my bbm I will refer you to where you can get proper medication free of charge and treatment for any STI free also. 33325FBC. Pls indicate you get my pin from NOstringpost. May God bless you and we shall all fulfill our destiny in Jesus name.
My brother you are never alone ok, God is with you and also people like us. Because you are a gay and coupled wit HIV+, you should never think of ending your life though it might be devastated at time. It will interest you statistic shows that 70% of gay in Nigeria are living with HIV so you are not alone. As per medication you can add me on my bbm I will refer you to where you can get proper medication free of charge and treatment for any STI free also. 33325FBC. Pls indicate you get my pin from NOstringpost. May God bless you and we shall all fulfill our destiny in Jesus name.
My brother you are never alone ok, God is with you and also people like us. Because you are a gay and coupled wit HIV+, you should never think of ending your life though it might be devastated at time. It will interest you statistic shows that 70% of gay in Nigeria are living with HIV so you are not alone. As per medication you can add me on my bbm I will refer you to where you can get proper medication free of charge and treatment for any STI free also. 33325FBC. Pls indicate you get my pin from NOstringpost. May God bless you and we shall all fulfill our destiny in Jesus name.
Its trurly is shocking on testing positive but its not the end of the world. Hiv is now managable and you can live a perfect life. All you need is to live healthy, regular medical checks and use condom to avoid re-infection. Being gay has nothing to do with HIV…it happens to all, even straight. Count yourself lucky that you know your status and can now be in control of your life. Young people are passing on too soon since they get to know they are HIV to late. In Africa and especially West..HIV hasnt been truly embrassed. Watch out you dont disclose, rather seek help in HIV support groups in clinics. So cheer up my brother, rise and be what God wants you to be. He didnt create you just to ‘end life due to HIV’, you have a better calling to impact your society. You never walk alone. God dey and you are in my thoughts as well. Hit me on email for more chat chali_chuna@yahoo.co.uk .
My only very simple comment is that you are never alone. Being sexual minority or gay man can never be the reason alone you are positive. Many are fighting hard and you can. Do not accept defeat because you think you are feasted. Fight the virus. Science has improve to the point that soon we would be talking of eradicating the virus. Do not tell anyone your status if you know you are not strong enough to face the backlash. See your doctor and start medication because of your vital organs. U will win, trust me. I may not know your pain because am not in your shoe. But I know all shoe has polish to make it shine. Your polish is to see your doctor.
You are probably one of thousands of HIV+ gay men in Nigeria, no exaggerations. God still heals but you had better start medication ASAP or be ready for the worst. HIV is not a death sentence, self hate is. Accept yourself for whom you are, a hero. You’ve done that which millions can’t dare. Pls, my dear brother don’t fight young gayness, don’t fight your HIV, live life. All you need are two pills- ARV pill & God’spill (gospel)
I think an important first step is to disentangle things you jumble together. HIV is a virus, & some people catch it (gay, straight, young, old, through sex, through blood transfusions & so on). Why pray to god for a cure instead of obtaining the effective drugs that already exist? It is a medical problem so take a medical approach: take the amazing drugs that research has developed. If you’re in good health through taking some pills regularly, then you can have a full life. If you’re living a full life then obviously you’re not ‘cursed by god’ – you have an illness that people are judgmental about, but that, thank goodness, can be treated effectively. It’s a form of vanity to think your life-problems are because of being ‘cursed by god’ rather than just everyday (albeit serious) stuff you have to deal with just like the millions & millions of people with diabetes or cancer or heart disease etc. More encouragingly, many people with HIV manage to have loving relationships, so you needn’t despair on that front, tho of course it’s a challenge, and some people will be against you. Self-hatred is very difficult to overcome. Nigeria is a very homophobic country, but that doesn’t mean you are evil: it means they are prejudiced. When someone says god is against you, well, how do they know? There is much disagreement about all matters of doctrine: they might just be plain wrong. As far as changing your sexuality, I don’t think it can be done. So research tells us – and those who seem to have done so are routinely exposed as liars and merely in denial. That may not be what you want to hear, but there is a freedom that comes from stopping wasting time on what is futile. Please don’t let praying replace sensible practical action. And please don’t believe you’re less deserving of love than anyone else, because it’s simply not true.
Thnak you, he sure should read this.
Hi shedrach, I am gay and am HIV positive and been managing this for over 8 years now. HIV positive is not a death sentence. You can live a normal life and still be HIV positive. It doesn’t change ur future ambitions. It doesnt stop u from achieving ur goals and dreams. If u need to talk to someone send me an email harryfred07@gmail.com
Thank you!
can HIV positive heal n turn to negative did it has totally cure
Can you email: info@nostringsng.com?
Hello dear my name is Solomon Ebony I am a nutritionist and a graduate of Mechanical engineering from Federal University of Technology Minna. I know there is no cure for HIV but I have a juice /food that can stop the virus from growing and eventually render it useless for good. It is called Trevo, how do you purchase it? Use CID NUMBER 4735391 and go to any Trevo office in the world. Get it cheap and effective. Thank you. You can call me +2347039178750, +2347083275316
Thanks. But I will advice he visits an actual hospital for advice.
bro u are not alone u can whatsaap me or call me on 07030495653 I am ready to help u out
please, do not take drugs that is not prescribed by your doctor.
some will definitely tell u to try some herbal medicine, it won’t do any good to your health but rather, would worsen the whole thing.
try as much as u can to go to a hospital for counseling and possible treatment but no cure for it yet.
you will still come across people telling you that it has cure either by taking one herb or the other, ignore such and go for a treatment. don’t relate such to any one not even family or a friend. unless you know the kind of family u have and the kind of support to expect from them.
Is there anything too hard for God, I have seen cases of hiv positive turns negative. All you need do is to try and get yourself into the divine presence of God by any means necessary believing He’s able to heal you. And he will. Google this gospel artist Dewayne woods was once positive to hiv and also a gay man but when he decided to meet God, He became healed, u must have been going to church and all that, but there there is a connection you need to make with God. I pray for you today, that the Hands of God touch u and give u ur heart desire. Amen.
For real? HIV + turning negative?
Yeah for real HIV+ can miraculously turn to negative coz there is nothing to hard for God to do but it might be one in thousand. But the point is been gay u r actually susceptible to any infection coz of the way we live our life especially Nigeria tbs nd in a country of high homophobic. My advice to you is go and meet you doctor and if u don’t have any u can reach me on adeyemi.timothy@lmu.edu.ng now adays HIV is just like every other disease u manage such as hypertension, cancer etc. By the time u r adhere to ur medication u reach a point called viral load undetectable though u will still be HIV position but u can’t infect anybody wit it nd u can have children as many as u want. That is why it advice able to go for test atleast twice in a year or if u have any unprotected sex wit someone so that u can start ur medication nd achieve Undetectable viral load on time. Best of luck my bro.
Yeah for real HIV+ can miraculously turn to negative coz there is nothing to hard for God to do but it might be one in thousand. But the point is been gay u r actually susceptible to any infection coz of the way we live our life especially Nigeria tbs nd in a country of high homophobic. My advice to you is go and meet you doctor and if u don’t have any u can reach me on adeyemi.timothy@lmu.edu.ng now adays HIV is just like every other disease u manage such as hypertension, cancer etc. By the time u r adhere to ur medication u reach a point called viral load undetectable though u will still be HIV position but u can’t infect anybody wit it nd u can have children as many as u want. That is why it advice able to go for test atleast twice in a year or if u have any unprotected sex wit someone so that u can start ur medication nd achieve Undetectable viral load on time. Best of luck my bro.
Yeah for real HIV+ can miraculously turn to negative coz there is nothing to hard for God to do but it might be one in thousand. But the point is been gay u r actually susceptible to any infection coz of the way we live our life especially Nigeria tbs nd in a country of high homophobic. My advice to you is go and meet you doctor and if u don’t have any u can reach me on adeyemi.timothy@lmu.edu.ng now adays HIV is just like every other disease u manage such as hypertension, cancer etc. By the time u r adhere to ur medication u reach a point called viral load undetectable though u will still be HIV position but u can’t infect anybody wit it nd u can have children as many as u want. That is why it advice able to go for test atleast twice in a year or if u have any unprotected sex wit someone so that u can start ur medication nd achieve Undetectable viral load on time. Best of luck my bro.
Life is full of ups and downs, but decide on where to stand. You are not the first neither will u be the last. Take up the challenge HIV today is just like malaria any body can have it but the diff is u will take ur medications for life. There is no big deal just stay focused. Life have a lot to offer u and u also likewise. Depression kills even faster. God is with u bro
My dear I’ve seen a lot of people living with it since 1970’s and they are still alive today why because they were taking medication so chear up and visit general hospital or private hospital and start ur medication and you will be fine
Well, there is nothing you never here from people, what you need to do now is to go to the hospital and register and the drug is free, treat yourself with drug then you pray to God for forgiviness as you said that you have done a lot of crimes. GO TO THE HOSPITAL AND GET YOUR DAILY DRUG.
bro, u ar not alone. i am also in d same shoe as u but i don’t make it define who i am or stop me from pursuing my career i take my meds, go for check up once in a while and move on though i do feel alone and discouraged sometimes but i keep moving on! saying to my self i will make it. i think u should do d same we can be friends whatsapp me 07031990453
My brother meeting with you alone u are free i don’t have much to say here just contact me if you want to be free.
dhg.herbalmedical@gmail.com