It will seem right to start this little piece with a bit of introduction of who I am or who people believe me I am. Many people will find this article very stunning because even the closest of men does not know of this. My names are (names withheld). For many, I am the regular funny street person but for the closest pals, I am what I have realized that I am.
Ever since I was a child, I wanted more than anything to become a man, break my financial doors, get married and raise kids of my own until I found out about the truth lying behind my true nature. I was born on 28 August 1920 for the first time and in that life, I had everything I had hoped and dreamt of. I had wonderful children who I now call mums, aunties and uncles, even my grand children who I now call brother or senior sisters. I always smile at myself when I call them all that and accord the respect to them knowing full well what is like to watch them grow in the arms of their mother who was my wife. I always ask Nature why she would bring me back to the family I was taken from, as a child. Even that question I still cannot answer. That life of bliss ended so sadly on the December 16 1995. A year after that, I was Re-incarnated into a boy and a new destiny unfolded for me, one I do not like.
“This is about the life that unfolded for me”. I still bear that name up there but with some changes. I was reborn on 28 August 1996. Nature indeed blessed with beauty and grace. I grew like every other boy until I found out three outstanding things about myself, all at different times and occasions. The things I finally found out about myself are:
I FOUND OUT I WAS BORN GAY: when I realized this at the age of 10, I was suicidal. I lived with it and actually fell in and out of love with the people like me who loved me passionately. It made me wonder the real difference in all this. I have heard stories about indigenous relationships in the past but I never knew them to be real. The first time I fell in love with a guy it was a feeling of doom right inside of me. I tried to stop the feeling but I cannot. It was so emotionally strong and sincere that I started doubting the Heterosexual relationship. I knew that it was not the life I had mapped out for myself but then I ask the question why such had to happen to me at such tender age. I wouldn’t say I was converted by Mr. A or Mr. B neither was I thought the ways of the lifestyle but it was something I had bore within me and out of the womb, there was a time I questioned God to why he as to pass me through this torment of living with a cross too heavy for me to bear. A cross almost impossible to bear in the society and the family I was born into. Why should it be me and not someone else? These questions filled my heart. The only answer I got was that everything worketh out for good to those that believe but do I believe? Some will even say that God knows the best and that his ways are not our ways.
I was made to visit so many hospitals, consult so many doctors and counselors because I had the ‘sickness’’ of being gay in a Nigerian setting. I did so many things also like scan; blood check and many medical terms were used to qualify my quest for change. When the doctors could not cure the fast growing ‘sickness’ that is almost spreading, I resorted to seeing different Men of God. Thousands of money was wasted in my quest for spiritual freedom even some of the priest I was made to see demanded a little ‘token’, with which to appease the God. At this point, I began to imagine if our God is even appeasable. One man of God whose name and church I will not mention called me aside and asked to know how I was converted to that. I told him that there was no conversion; it has been there from birth. He told me that I should try as much as possible to live other parts of my life right and allow the others to work itself out. He went ahead to ask if I have a female friend and I answered in positive. He also asked if I have a girlfriend whom I maybe dating, this I also answered in positive. I love myself, my life, and my sexual orientation. Ask me and I will say that am blessed. Only two out of thousands of people were able to tell me about myself in the most pleasing manner. At my present age, what am doing is learning to be with the right person and enjoy the world while it lasts. I also have taken a pledge to serve the God who has made my life a gracious one. I also wish I’d find the morale to walk up to my family one day and tell them who I truly am. The rest is up to you to decide. Make sure you take your decision wisely. I think its high time we stop living in fear an conquer our families first, our locality and then our society at large, God made Us this way so why should mere mortals treat us as if we don’t belong in what our father made ours. For me I say No, I don’t know about you.