Coming to face the reality and truth that one is a homosexual is never really an easy pill to swallow. Dealing with the feelings of guilt and shame that one has to carry along 365 days in a year adds and builds up to an almost unending frustration and worry.
Gathering all the information that could be used in defense against an argument that homosexuality is a valid sexual orientation, could become exhausting and sometimes we still fall back, sunk in our own internalized doubts. Doubts originating from the already populated bias and tons of information out there telling us (gay people) that we are wrong and that there is something wrong with us. A world that tends to dictate what and how people should be and behave in order to be accepted and validated.
Sometimes we say to ourselves, “I don’t need no one telling me what I am or what I should be” but deep down there, even when we know that Yes! This is true; indeed no one can tell us who we should be, as we never chose to be who we are, knowing this truth does not still set our hearts free and at rest. The worry lingers.
How about when we know, and with all the facts presented that we can never change a part of who we are (our sexual orientation), and yet the society, with its all knowing approach does not want to accept this truth with us? Especially when we are constantly told that there are solutions and options, and that we are not trying enough, how about when we have tried everything possible on earth, and yet we are still who we are? What happens next? Will knowing the truth that a person’s sexual orientation cannot be changed set our minds at ease and free from all the worries that still lingers? You may answer yes to this, but will the society let you be and accept the truth that you have conceived?
Many gay people still believe that they can still have a traditional heterosexual family, and with this, they think that they will arrive at some relief, even when they know evidently with everything that has been happening when a gay person tries to deceive the world that they are straight – it never ends well, surely, yet still they adopt these practices knowing what’s involved and what’s at stake. How about those who know or believe that this is not a very good option, and has decided to settle with themselves and stay single? Now, with knowing all this truths set your mind free from the burden weighing it down, and put it at ease? I doubt. Especially as the society is telling you that people are doing these things and getting away with it, REALLY?
How about when one feels like something else inside that doesn’t really match up with what’s outside, and yet the society is telling you that you are what’s outside, even when you have tried to explain severally that this is completely not true. You have gone ahead to alter certain features on your body to look like what you feel inside, and you still battle with the thoughts that it still isn’t as perfect as you envisioned, and then you worry so much that it affects your every fiber, now will falling back to the reality and truth that there is nothing perfect, and that you are beautiful the way you are, bring you some peace, and ease up your soul?
It has been said many times that homosexuality is not about sex, and that it is about love, and true affection. Yet you have been lonely all your life, and you are still very much hopeful that things will get better hopefully, but deep down inside, you still feel like its all wrong, but then again you think and conclude that homosexuality has been sexualised especially by the media, and it is still very much a new territory for some and many are still figuring out who they are and that most homosexuals engage in frequent sexual activities as a way of escaping the homophobic reality that they consistently face from the society. But then again, your mind is still troubled and the truth here obviously isn’t setting your mind free, as you still think that homosexuality is just perversion, and because of your religious roots you think that homosexuals are cursed, and the reason why you think it is unwholesome, is because God does not approve of it.
How about when you are an activist and you try really hard to defend people and include them in your agenda’s wholeheartedly and yet they still fight you and see you as an enemy, and look for ways to bring you down? How about when you feel like you are alone and at war with the world in a battle that you may never win, and that you could be fighting a lost cause in isolation.
Will knowing that defending the truth is the right thing to do, and in some ways, your responsibility to carry it upon yourself to make sure justice is achieved, and that your heart longs to do good, and the joy it brings you when people respond positively to your work.
Does knowing all that you know as the ‘truth’ bring you some relief and free your mind from worrying? Absolutely NO!
We are never free until we are free, whatever that means.
Written by Mike Daemon.