An anonymous Nigerian man, who seems to be going through some very difficult times, has cried out, seeking relief from the constant pressure he experiences from the society who think it’s possible for him to change his sexual orientation.
I am in deep pain. Growing up wasn’t this distressful but suddenly I’m beginning to lose hope in everything.
I am gay in a country where my kind are being despised and spat on, growing up was fun because of my discreteness and I wasn’t an outside person. So many people still do not know that I am gay.
My gay tendency only favors the older and more matured people, but growing up, I didn’t have the opportunity of meeting my type because of environment I grew up in. I was mostly alone and resorted to masturbation for satisfaction. At some point during those years, I contemplated committing suicide; I kept asking God why he chose to make me this way without providing an escape route. At times, I envy my “straight” friends; I do wonder why I can’t be like them. I tried to fit in but it was never me. When I got over my suicidal tendency after a brief online chat with Rev. Macaulay and Colins Coward, I began to accept myself for who I am even though I was still very discrete.
Now, I am in my early 30’s, the first in my family and the pressure is all on me now to get married. All my mates both while in school and the ones I grew up with have all gotten married.
My suicidal tendency is back, and I just want to die and leave all these behind.
I can’t live a lie; I am forced to live a lie. Nigeria is suffocating me. I need someone to love; I can’t find someone to love.