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Help! My Boyfriend And I Can’t Have Sex – Emmanuel

my boyfriend and i cant have sex

My name is Emmanuel, and I have a serious problem with my current relationship. I love my boyfriend but I can’t have sex with him.

I met this nice young man, we got along, and there was a spark so we started dating. I loved him so much that it was magic whenever we were together. We had random sex, and we were so close that I began to imagine the possibility of spending the rest of my life with him.

But something happened. Suddenly, his attitude changed, he stopped calling me like he used to, always acting distracted when we are together, not paying attention to me anymore, and will sometimes not call for days. When I tried to inquire about what was going on, and the sudden change, he will say that he is very busy with his work, and that I complain too much. This offended me so I decided to stay away for some time. He will call me whenever he is horny, but I will refuse because am a very traditional kind of guy; I like sex only when I share a deep connection with an individual.

At some point, I felt that things were no longer working between us, and then I called to end the relationship, I don’t think he felt bad that the relationship was ending from the way he acted/responded. I was heartbroken, depressed, and disappointed.

Fast forward, to a few months, I met somebody and then we connected deeply, so we started dating, but this guy was weird, he abuses drugs, taking pills after sex, and complaining of pain and bacteria’s, and how anal sex was unsafe. I became very irritated with his behavior, and decided to let the relationship go. He really loved me, and I loved him too, but obviously he was stubborn about toning down with the pills.

I decided to stay on my own for a while, but my best friend blamed me that I was very impatient, and that I needed to be patient with my relationships, and that a relationship is like a war, and that you have to be very ready emotionally to take the heat. I bought in and decided to call up my first boyfriend and then I apologized and he apologized too, after much talk, he told me that he was ready to change. But things did not change with him at all, it was still the same old attitude, ‘caring less’ and all. So, I decided to officially call it quits and move on, I deleted his contacts, and asked him not to try and reach me.

I am a very busy person, as I am involved in so many things, so I find it difficult to intimately connect with people for romance and all. So I have been alone for months.

After a few months, he called me back begging, saying that he has been unable to get me out of his mind, and that he is willing and ready to change, AGAIN. I agreed to meet with him. When we met, he told me that he has not been having sex with anyone since we broke up, and that he never really broke up with me.

We got into talking and then, he got me on. After much foreplay and deep romance we attempted to have sex. But I couldn’t do anything with him, as in I couldn’t get a bulge. I tried, and tried but it didn’t work. What does this mean? Is it that I no longer find him attractive, or because my mind is no longer interested in having anything to do with him or? I don’t just know, but somehow I still love him. What should I do now?

What do you have to say about this man’s situation? Leave your comments in the comment section below.

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Wordpress (11)
  • comment-avatar
    Jamie 2.1 7 years

    Somehow, you’ve mot yet forgotten what your bae did to you, Mr. Anonymous! I think it’s his fault, and if I could tell him, I’d say that he should do more than just beg you. He needs to revive the love you had for him, cos it’s replaced with some repulsion and dispassion! If it’s not working, just walk out. A relationship thrives with sacrifices, yes! But it has to come from both sides… If one of the partners is selfish, it doesn’t work. You ought to know what works for you, and don’t go for less. If it’s not working, make a better choice, or you’ll get more devastated and hurt next time it goes wrong…

  • comment-avatar
    Edward 7 years

    I don’t have anal sex either because it’s far too painful for me the several times I’ve tried. There are other forms of intimacy and other forms of sex that DO work for both me and whomever I’m with. You can absolutely have love without sex (however you draw the line with that term) and, as I said, other forms of intimacy. If anal sex were a dealbreaker for someone in my life, I might have to let them go because I know my limits and my body’s limits.

    What I would recommend this guy before anything would be for him to stop dating people who don’t really have an interest in him. I’m an anti-drama llama and you better have yourself and your mind together if you want to be in a relationship with me. I may not know many things in life but I do know one thing: I know who I am. I’m not searching for anything to magically fix my life. Let love form slowly, let it take its time. I don’t think this man should worry.

  • comment-avatar
    Solomon Ebony 7 years

    I guess you don’t feel the vibes again. He has made u miserable for a long time and your mind as adjusted for a new person. That new person is the only one that can break u now. You love him because of what you guys have shared together. That love is there
    But sex can never be the same. The only way to make love to him, is TIME
    time can create a temporary urge to have sex. Not permanent. So pls move on quietly. This time u need a secret love affair., Jr, that is to say “Double dating”

  • comment-avatar
    Corey 7 years

    Maybe you’re just tired of all of the drama and BULLSHIT!
    Leave both of the emotionally bankrupt deadbeat drug abusers alone, and continue doing YOU; how about getting your mental health together!? Move on and stop worrying about why it didn’t work, and let’s try making sure that it doesn’t happen again. And a few comments above, there’s a guy named Edward – LISTEN TO HIM! I wish you all the success in moving forward in life, love, light and clarity.

  • comment-avatar
    daniel 7 years

    most likely this happened between month 0 and month 6 of your relationship. i am old so get most of the stages not only of relationships but life. for this one question i would say it is lust and not love that bound and now separates you.

  • comment-avatar
    Omodele 7 years

    It is a really sad situation, but I think you have to connect to the man within you. Are you on a journey to find love, or are you on a journey to find sexual satisfaction? Is that guy really right for you? I always tell people, you can be in love with someone and not even have any sexual thought for that person. It has happened to me very many times, and its not a crush on straight men that I am talking about. If you really really love that guy, I am sure no amount of sexual disinertia will keep you away from him, or him away from your heart. And that was just one time. It isn’t every time that you are with even the sexiest person in the world that you have a bulge or wanna get down. It doesn’t mean there is no chemistry or electricity.
    If you really love him, come to terms with yourself. Build a relationship. Put the sex aside. Work out the love with determination and sacrifice. There will always be time for sex. We are men, we do not need an cycle to get horny. The day will come when the sex will just happen. But make sure that when that day comes, your love for him has been established deeply.
    Love is all that matters, friend……love is all that matters…

  • comment-avatar
    Eusebius 7 years

    I have been in same situation, but I have decided to move on. This last guy drove me crazy. I kept loving him but he kept giving me the opposite. Currently, I met a new guy who I believe truly loves me. Even when I told him of the previous guy, he just laughed and told me he is not a jealous love. So, I have decided to love the guy who loves me and forget the one who doesn’t.

  • comment-avatar

    The mind is a very powerful control of your sexual functions. Even as your conscious mind desires the good part of that past relationship, your subconscious does not. Your subconscious recognizes the repetition of the same oh same oh, thus takes over to protect you from suffering again. Trust your subconscious. However if this persist with a different partner than what this means that yiu have suffered seriously this antigonistc behavior that has affected you pychologically, if so than you should make an appointment with a mental therapist to help your mind move back to were it is suppose to be or you can come and let’s try a date. We are so much a like.

  • comment-avatar
    Johnson 7 years

    Hmmmm, tongue out, can’t say anything because I’ve not been there before, I don’t know how it looks like so no comments.

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