My name is Emmanuel, and I have a serious problem with my current relationship. I love my boyfriend but I can’t have sex with him.
I met this nice young man, we got along, and there was a spark so we started dating. I loved him so much that it was magic whenever we were together. We had random sex, and we were so close that I began to imagine the possibility of spending the rest of my life with him.
But something happened. Suddenly, his attitude changed, he stopped calling me like he used to, always acting distracted when we are together, not paying attention to me anymore, and will sometimes not call for days. When I tried to inquire about what was going on, and the sudden change, he will say that he is very busy with his work, and that I complain too much. This offended me so I decided to stay away for some time. He will call me whenever he is horny, but I will refuse because am a very traditional kind of guy; I like sex only when I share a deep connection with an individual.
At some point, I felt that things were no longer working between us, and then I called to end the relationship, I don’t think he felt bad that the relationship was ending from the way he acted/responded. I was heartbroken, depressed, and disappointed.
Fast forward, to a few months, I met somebody and then we connected deeply, so we started dating, but this guy was weird, he abuses drugs, taking pills after sex, and complaining of pain and bacteria’s, and how anal sex was unsafe. I became very irritated with his behavior, and decided to let the relationship go. He really loved me, and I loved him too, but obviously he was stubborn about toning down with the pills.
I decided to stay on my own for a while, but my best friend blamed me that I was very impatient, and that I needed to be patient with my relationships, and that a relationship is like a war, and that you have to be very ready emotionally to take the heat. I bought in and decided to call up my first boyfriend and then I apologized and he apologized too, after much talk, he told me that he was ready to change. But things did not change with him at all, it was still the same old attitude, ‘caring less’ and all. So, I decided to officially call it quits and move on, I deleted his contacts, and asked him not to try and reach me.
I am a very busy person, as I am involved in so many things, so I find it difficult to intimately connect with people for romance and all. So I have been alone for months.
After a few months, he called me back begging, saying that he has been unable to get me out of his mind, and that he is willing and ready to change, AGAIN. I agreed to meet with him. When we met, he told me that he has not been having sex with anyone since we broke up, and that he never really broke up with me.
We got into talking and then, he got me on. After much foreplay and deep romance we attempted to have sex. But I couldn’t do anything with him, as in I couldn’t get a bulge. I tried, and tried but it didn’t work. What does this mean? Is it that I no longer find him attractive, or because my mind is no longer interested in having anything to do with him or? I don’t just know, but somehow I still love him. What should I do now?